Ohhh because there was money involved.right , that supercedes everything. YTA, you're already literally choosing your fiance over your daughter and you are not even married yet. Im not following your level of logic. If your going to be a fucking asshole and not let your 9 year old be at your wedding, at least let her have fun as well. If you don't like child free weddings, have a rational discussion BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY. They wouldnt be in any main photos its so weird. Including the brother and his family in the wedding pictures is just one more way to shmooze him. Also what happens to the daughter on wedding day? You think its because your PARENTS are upset? I am adding Utah to "places I will never move to". The bride cuts the fiance's boss without telling him. The sister of the bride's brother and sister in law none the less showed up with all of their kids, 4 under four. Shows how much he truly thinks of his daughter, he'll never hear from his daughter again and will never know about grandchildren either and it's all his fault. Why would you not want your daughter see you get married? Then threatened to leave so Ashley could gave the guests that basically pay for her husband to do nothing. Daughter (not named) clearly left THE church, and dad is still angry about it. YTA. Bahahahahaha YTA. You deserve to lose your parents. You dont want your fiance to have to deal with her? A big one. Let your parents have a day with her. They werent even her family. Well, Ashley was a good girl and got a man young, you see. And I'd only had a drink when I read it! This 100%. It's not your daughter's fault that her sister's in-laws, who she invited out of courtesy and after lots of begging, broke the rule because they figured five kids + free dinner (which is coming out of your daughter's dime!!). The toddlers are getting anxious and starting to loudly cry. You made it clear that you agreed, and threw your daughter under the bus. YTA and its too bad she didnt go 100% child free. Four kids under four! Good grief, YTA. Where does this end? You probably damaged your relationship with her, and for what? Instead you escalate matters by threatening to not be there, and increasing the stress and pressure on the bride. YTA absolutely. My parents told me I was being a terrible father by prioritizing my fiance over my daughter. Family for not following the rules. Im pretty sure this cant be a real story, because it sounds like a tale describing an awful father who doesnt understand how awful they are. Its not about the wedding. I hope the newly married couple get transferred away from Utah. I havent even seen any comments on here about how kids are icky, so not sure where that even came from. She definitely deserves better. I'm concerned because it sounds like your fiancee doesn't like your younger child. Why wouldnt you want your OWN child to be part of a significant life event for you? Your poor daughter doesn't even get a name for her own wedding, and you were worried about how Ashley would look, at your other daughter's wedding? They actually have a nanny but they don't come up with a reasonable excuse why nanny isn't there. What really sticks out to me though is that you actually are banning your parents from taking your daughter somewhere nice while you're excluding her from your nice wedding? YTA. YTA- just because your families run large, doesn't mean she needs to accommodate all the kids. Not you personally. Seems like they might be the only ones her in life that give a shit about her. I honestly don't blame your daughter for not being happy to move back, and you don't seem to like her for not falling into line with your Mormon community. Why wouldn't she? keeping her nameless not even a fake one too is just so perfect fit for his treatment of her.. I wouldn't put it past op that he told his family benefactor to bring the kids, because he control his daughter. Even if you paid for 100% of the wedding, The people with the horde of kids arent the brides family, The bride was clear about who was invited and this didnt include kids under 4. The nerve to even beg someone to invite people to their wedding that they clearly didnt want to in the first place. The in-laws said theyd bring one child but brought five. Obviously YTA. Ya dude, if your Fiancee and a 9 year old don't get along that's because of an issue with your fiancee. Then boss decides to screw the rules cuz he has money. My daughter, the bride, blah blah my other daughter Ashley, He couldnt even give the main person in this story a name and the fact that its his daughter makes it even worse. Women arent real people with feelings that need to be considered. YTA. With Mormons, a family could be over a generation. Your parents are right! I cant believe you are prioritizing your fianc before your daughter who is 9 years old. Not including her in the wedding is sending a clear sign to her that you don't care. Your daughter is old enough now where she will NOT forget this. your daughter is going to remember this for the rest of her life. YTA. YTA. I think it's the latter and that his attitude about her "rules" could actually be more about what I suspect is her rejection of his religion. If I were his parents Id throw a big ass party for the daughter and invite a bunch of the same people. Sounds like horrible people to be around and grow up with. Toddlers dont ask to be in wedding photos. YTA. Reading this made me sick to my stomach omg your poor daughter.. like seriously you are absolutely horrible.. what are you doing.. no seriously, what are you doing? He clearly has a favorite and Im assuming its not the daughter-bride . Either you don't think this ceremony is as big of a deal as you are implying, or you don't think your daughter is a big enough part of your life to see a milestone happen. You sound like you are deliberately punishing her cos your fiance hates her. YTA. It is secret handshakes and names. But I can tell you she is going to remember this. Your fiance needs to get over herself. I was thinking that maybe Ashleys BIL isnt even all that rich and this could just be an MLM clusterfuck, i.e. How dare you! Like really really hope for your youngests sake that this isn't real. YTA, its her day and she was clear with people, where was the phonecall to check if any of this was OK? You are an awful father. You don't bother that your daughter's feelings are hurt. Add to that the idea that this ceremony isnt a real wedding, worthy of the same respect as a temple wedding, and I can see people treating it like a circus. You didn't even tell us your daughter's name. Believe it or not but if you choose to marry a woman who does not like small kids while having them your an asshole, and a bad parent. You're literally picking a grown ass over a child. The absolute entitlement and disrespect thinly veiled as "FaMiLy VaLuEs" makes me so mad. Personally I would have welcomed him and the unwanted guests to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. How do you not see this? Why be with a woman that does not like your child?! So much YTA. She should have had her fil walk her down the aisle. Now she will resent you for not having her back. Do better. INFO: so did you cheat on her mother with your new fianc? No wonder she's not happy to be "home." I grew up LDS, and Mormons outside of Utah would probably not have done this. Why are you against your daughter being able to have any small scrap of happiness and feeling like someone in the family loves her when she's very clearly going to feel like you don't? She didn't want those kids in her wedding, warned them not to bring them, they brought the kids anyway and you response is, "Let them in or I'm leaving too". Which is completely bizarre anyway, because why would the kids of the BIL of the sister of the bride be in any photos?! Your unnamed daughter does not have any relationship with yhese in laws and she yielded to invite them to make you happy. Just to be clear I don't think YTA for having a child free wedding. You, your fianc, and your 18 year old deserve each other. You clearly don't care about your family and the people you love being there, right? I don't talk to him anymore. But if wed been asked not to, no way would we show up with them. Is your other daughter's family more valid to you because their wedding was in the temple? YTA and so is your family. I really hope you postpone the wedding and fix this issue!! HUGE. I dont actually understand why they needed to be invited in the first place frankly. What a bunch of bullshit. Dude, it was not your daughters responsibility on HER WEDDING DAY to keep the peace of her little sisters relationship with inlaws who are not at all on related to this event. (I grew up in a Mormon state and I still shake my head at how incestuous like these business deals are). On your daughters wedding day your job is to back her up. All the more reason Ashley shouldn't have invited them to a social event that doesn't involve them to begin with, I noticed that too. A soon as I saw Utah I thought its a Mormon family then and everything confirms thats! If they are taught their whole lives that temple marriages are the only marriages that really count I can see it working out that way. You picked the wrong side to defend on the worst day possible to her. They actually care about her wellbeing. Not only did she not really want SIL and BIL at the wedding, but they decided to disrespect your daughter and by extension, everyone else at the wedding who followed the rules. Your kids should always come first. A huge one at that. Her only purpose is to spit out grandbabies as soon as possible for as long as possible for OP to brag about. There's so many layers of asshole here I don't even know where to begin excavating. Find some way to include her. You neglect your daughter for your soon to be wife. Daddy is mad his wife got sick and he only got 3 kids. Edit, if you refuse to let you parents take your daughter out (and actually fucking care about her unlike you) whos gonna mind her? People Are Calling This Dad "Terrible" For "Babying" His Wife Over His . You and your fianc are terrible people and you dont deserve to be called a dad or to have children that love you. You should be ashamed of yourself man. YTA, of course. Ashely that YTA the kids were already crying before they even came in. Maybe he can use them to mop up his crocodile tears, when his other, nameless, daughter, goes full no contact, and he never sees her or his grandchildren. Hopefully she moves back to Boston soon. Your daughter should have sent them and you packing. Having a step parent is stressful enough, but to be excluded from her own fathers wedding has to be downright horrible. This person who she was badgered into inviting brings along four babies uninvited and you push her to let them in??? What the hell. And then to add insult to major injury, you wont let your parents make it a special day for her? No your call, Ashley's call or their call. YTA Venues have limited capacities. Yta. Its daughters sisters husbands brother and daughters sisters husbands brothers wife. See? Ashely is an AH for thinking that it's her sister's job to get her liked by her in laws. )kids even know about wedding pictures, let alone want to be in a strangers wedding that they will never remember. The fact that you care about your fiance's comfort more than the very mental health of your 9 year old daughter whose mother LEFT HER when she was 6, speaks fucking volumes. I have a feeling you are about to be a no-contact relationship with your own child. by Koh Mochizuki. It was worded like "oh large families are just a normal thing" COMPLETELY glossing over the cult-like religious overtones these business deals, families, and areas have. We have words to describe these things so it doesn't get confusing. How can you ditch your kid for a woman ? ITS YOUR DAUGHTER. Utah (and Idaho) Mormons are often used to their religion being a huge part of the dominant culture around them, and they often weird people out when they leave the area. Also, any decent father would care and not like your fiance for feeling this way about his child. Are you OP or the fiance? Your fianc is an adult she needs to grow up whats going to happen next, your daughter cant have a birthday because fianc wants the attention instead. Why do YOU even have children if you dislike them so much?! I've seen everyone referred to by relation to op. OP is def an asshole, but i would not be surprised if it's a real story and he made the account to post this and reassure himself that he's not an asshole. Stop calling her tour daughter because you do not love her the way you love the money that Ashley's in laws brought. Your child will resent you for the rest of your life if you do this. Not some kid belonging to your college roommate's second cousin thrice removed. wow you and your fiance are dicks. It sounds like OP hates his kid for being a kid. YTA. You should offer to pay the photographer of the nameless bride's wedding to photoshop the extra 4 children out of all the photos. My sister's husband's siblings weren't in my wedding photos. YTA. You were a parent first and you cant decide that it isnt convenient anymore. The daughter sounds like she'd like to distance herself from this family as much as possible. THAT IS WHY she did not want toddlers/babies at HER wedding! The daughter who was already married, and who begged to have extra folks added to an already tight guest list. Furthermore, I would argue that 9y is not that young and certainly old enough to behave at a wedding and reception, especially as suggested in another comment, she could leave the reception early before she becomes too tired. I have no idea why anyone downvoted this comment, you clearly said you wouldn't bring kids to a child free wedding. Wont be long before shes having you ship them off so you both can live that lavish lifestyle like you dont have kids. OMG YES YTA!!!! She put one, simple rule, one that many weddings have. When you come back a few years from now asking why she wants nothing to do with you and you can't see your grandkids just remember you asked for it when you sided with entitled selfish brats. Were seeing this happen throughout the northeast US with Catholic churches. Yes. Why are you even marrying someone who doesnt get along with your child!? Surprised OP even went to the wedding. Can she not wear a pretty dress and go home with her clearly loving grandparents before the party? You could then have told Ashley and her in-laws that youd done all you could, and maybe her BIL wouldnt have been mad at you. Really? She's not 5, she should be able to behave appropriately and if not, then it would be right to have her leave. Imagine spending the prime of your life scraping and bowing to that jackass. YTA how awful for your 9 year old. You chose Ashley over her older sister and I doubt this is something she will forget. and the sister's inlaws for being unnecessary guests but still expecting special treatment. Found the golden child. Do you think thats going to change after the wedding??? YTA. You disgust me. Why would you marry someone that doesn't get along with young children? I mean come on. YTA and a garbage dad. I couldnt believe this was real. Your youngest deserves to be part of the day that is changing her entire family. They aren't the brides family and they are entitled AHs. And your parents offered to take care of her for the day. How entitled do you have to be to bring four extra guests to a wedding with no notice in the first place? 5. Excluding her is definitely not going to help the relationship her new step mother. Your favoritism on her wedding is disgusting. Yta I'm wouldn't marry a woman who doesn't care for younger kids and u have a younger kid. She probably already feels othered for not being active and marrying a non-member and dad/OP just proved that hes more than willing to throw her under the bus. Shes 9. She doesn't like small children, fair. Someone cant be this much of an asshole. It sounds like home-town hell. I cant imagine having such a selfish asshole for a parent. NEWS FLASH this wasnt Ashleys wedding nor her event. YTA, like really? How can you not see that your entire post is dripping with assholery? I have to wonder. I get the impression Ashley married into a Mormon family, but maybe OP and his family arent Mormon, because that side of the family took a while to warm up to Ashley as they are wary to newcomers., This feels a lot more like Golden Child marries into rich Mormon family, she and dad ruin Unnamed Sisters wedding to suck up to rich relatives.. YTA! You're a massive asshole! Your daughter must be terrified of her future with you. I know because I myself wouldn't take my children to a wedding since their under the age of 4. This OPs post has left me shaken. And not just because he lacks knowledge of the phrase son-in-law, or that he only gave one of his children a name, or that hes disappointed in his nameless wifes breeding capabilities, or that he felt rich kids needed to be in Brides wedding photos, or thatwell this list could go on for some time. Someone said let your parents have her the day of your wedding. My daughter's rationale was that she thought older kids would enjoy a party more. But to do that you might need to concede YTA and you need to apologise. However, you wrote this comment so well. It was very confusing with all the relatives. wth i feel so bad for this child, no mother and father hates her wow. If you can't be a father to her, you should let your parents take her. Your parents are absolutely right. did you actually cheat on her, or did you just not care about your poor daughters feelings enough to wait a fucking second to get with somebody who hates her? I really hate having to acknowledge that so many sects are like this. Jesus dude your priorities are so fucked up. Notice the i dont want my fiancee dealing with my daughter on the most important day of her lifebeing a parent means you don't get to spend a day pretending you don't have a second kid. . As well as a terrible father, YTA big time. This guy pissed all over you and you don't even realize it. You should love your children, and if your marrying someone who is embarrassed by them, then they are not the right person for you. Know what hes done? Also immediately obvious why daughter didn't want to come back to Utah. KID. Buddy, you and your fiancee can have YTA for siding against your nameless daughter the bride in the first place and extra YTA for actually threatening to LEAVE your own daughters wedding. She deserves to not deal with her family. Child free weddings, especially small children are common. This is so poignantly beautiful. Christ alive that poor girl. Plus all the LDS weddings I went to outside the temple were kind of lame, to be honest. Now the in laws are probably the bigger AH in general but for your daughters wedding the winner of the biggest AH is you and followed by the runner up Ashley . BUT SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER and your fiancee doesn't sound like a very pleasant person tbh. Whether she likes it or not, she is going to be in that childs life. YTA. YTA. YTA. You are the only parent this girl has and you're not letting her celebrate your marriage? You dont deserve to be a parent. Your treatment of your daughter will just make her resent you and your new wife more. What kind of parent would go along with this? YTA, childfree or no child under certain age weddings are perfectly reasonable and you should have respected her wishes. YTA. You know, 8 years old is old enough to understand a lot of things. She's not a baby anymore, she's 9. He's keeping Ashley's BIL happy because he has money. Why make an exception for two entitled guests while other guests RESPECTED HER WISHES and found other arrangements for their small children? It screwed up my relationship with my dad for a long time.. YTA. She did that herself. That speaks volumes. YTA and clearly have a favorite. THIS!! I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that you are marrying someone who apparently does not care about your own child. Its all ridiculous but the kids, mainly toddlers, being upset because they wanted to be in the wedding pictures? Your 9-year old's mother left when she was 6 and you & fiance have been together for 3 years so since your daughter was 6. Its her wedding. I dont understand how you could be that selfish and blind to how you are hurting your young child. They mysteriously didn't have a problem until their daughter invited an unrelated couple who caused a ruckus by lying. We dont want other children but if he thought our kid shouldnt come you best believe there wouldnt be a wedding. "She had two years S [tay . Apparently he still speaks to my aunt sometimes. Or at least we all found out who is NOT the golden child. Why are you marrying someone who dislikes children when you have a 9 yo? Thank you, you just blessed me so much. It doesn't sound like the daughter getting married is Mormon, but that OP, Ashley and her inlaws probably are. When people have child free weddings is because they dont have children themselves yet. This is it. I hope your parents dont attend, take your daughter out and cut contact with you after. OP said it's child-free. I hope Ashley is the best daughter ever because after this bullshit I'd imagine she'll take her first opportunity to get away from and never speak to you again. But Ashley! Did you wife know this before you gave it to her? YTA. Its understandable to want a child free wedding, but you should have handled the situation way better. Her wishes were very reasonable. As a person who grew up in a house where no once cared about me, she will never forget. BIL and SIL were incredibly rude to bring the children knowing they were not invited. Where was she going to sit them? It sounds like she has a pretty valid reason for not wanting to be back in Utah, if that's the support she can expect from you. Are you honestly marrying someone who thinks your kid shouldn't be involved in this?! YTA and so is Ashley, her husband, her BIL, and Her SIL. Wow. This should have created tension between YOU and your fianc! Man, lady, dudes of all sizes. Brother and sister-in-law? YTA OP! That is so incredibly tacky. Way to exclude your child. And you're marrying a woman who doesn't even want her there for the wedding? You are setting yourself up for a life of resentment and hate in your family. You can't possibly believe that you are not the A H here. I never saw him name the daughter whose wedding day it was. https://youtu.be/wtSlNjpeIjI In this constellation, she'll grow up with a lot of pain and resentment towards you and that woman anyway, no way she's getting out of this unscarred, but she might as well live in a household where everyone likes her. Same Im Jamaican, theyve been sending goons here to try and indoctrinate us. Good luck with the therapy, child who hates you and your wife, and the inevitable divorce. Why the hell does your younger daughter get to insist on bringing her in-laws to her sisters wedding, and why the hell do those in-laws get to demand their younger kids come?! Mormons don't have the same kind of weddings -- their temple weddings are ALL childfree, and many guests are also excluded. Hopefully she starts a dental practice somewhere else and escapes these selfish relatives. It is hard to believe this is a real situation..but a lot of people really suck so it probably is. Yup, saw those LDS red flags cropping all over the place. But if you ahead with this, your daughter may be so hurt that she'll cut contact with you when she's an adult; the best outcome will be a tense relationship with her that will take year to fix or may not be even be fixable.

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