I didnt know about it. I try not to put pressure on her to be a certain way or accomplish a certain thing in a given day, but when the time comes when there is actually a really important thing she needs to do, and shes not able to do it, i feel i end up hurting her and not helping. Well, that concludes part I. However, we can strive to be open and seek feedback from people we care about and trust, so that they feel comfortable talking to us about the more difficult subjects. Am I giving up too quickly, am I weak, am I selfish I really dont know what I should do or feel right now. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. The 10 Types of Friends Who Will Ruin Your Relationships Part I - HuffPost We may pick them apart, denigrating them by projecting negative qualities onto them. Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants me to be around my arms! I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. I was two years out watching movie series to help me distract while I forced myself to eat. Shes suffered from depression throughout our relationship. From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. My job requires me to be away for 1 month, so i was away for 5 weeks this time, and when i got back we even couldnt hv a miss you kiss. Its bad and I feel so trapped. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. Good Luck Everyone. I really like this girl, but her friend might be the one thing that ruins an otherwise perfect relationship. I envy all your girlfriends, because you acknoleged their pain.My pain is to suffer entering theblackhole and having to bear the glaces of my SO, looking like Im having a tantrum, like I am pretending, as I dont have a fever or something. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Ive explained my feelings in the past and she says she understands but makes no difference. Try activities each of you enjoys and see if they add to the arsenal of things you can do together and share in a lively way. If your girlfriend has problems, feels ignored, or wonders where you are, she can talk to you without invoking third parties. One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. We started dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed. All rights reserved. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. We can encourage an atmosphere of love and support while maintaining the unique, individual qualities that drew us to each other in the first place. My advise to you would be: Dont be too stressed out about it. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. A long time ago, I saw this great girl from another college at a frat party. Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. Some pals will get way too involved in your relationship simply because they want to knoweverything. He started changing we had an argument one time and he cut all way from his wrist to his elbow, I couldnt leave him I had to ditch my mam to see if he was okay before he went to work. Also over the years I have cancelled so many plans with friends to take time to help her that I have lost contact and have become depressed myself about my loneliness. You should see your partner as a whole and separate person who matters to you, independent of your own needs and interests. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. The problem is, they see almosteverythingas a threat, so it's hard to know if any of their concerns are valid. TL;DR My best friend dumped his nice old girlfriend for a new bitch, and I am at the point where I realize I do nice things for the both of them all the time and instead get mistreated by my buddies girl and never get invited to hang out with my buddy at all anymore. As much as we'd like to believe that all our friends have our best interests at heart, that isn't always the case. You create your own reality. | In order to change this pattern, try to look for a kernel of truth in what our partner says, rather than picking apart flaws in the feedback. Another thing is that I tell her everyday that I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. were so messed up its insane. My best bud and I are both 20 years old and we work at the same place in retail, and have been amazing friends for over a year now. My question to reddit is "How do I deal with a girl who is ruining me and my buddies friendship"? And do not try to help, just try to understand. Im having trouble with my girlfriends friend. And one last thing, she really wants to be again successful, beautiful, smart, witty, and attractive for you more than anything else. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. I almost lost my identity and values. I even offered to pay for the consultation costs. They often mean well and have your best interest at heart. Its easy to be manipulated by friends you trust, but sometimes you need to space yourself from these kinds of friends who dont want your romantic relationships to evolve into something better. Cookie Notice [Read: Things to do when you fall for a friends girlfriend]. Look man its getting to the point where youre gunna have to tell some form of authority, whether it be the police or something else either way, shes gunna bring you down if nothing changes and youll become just like her in a flash. I feel trapped in a cycle: she gets low, I sit down with her and try to help her see the flaws and problems with her anxieties and why they are just thoughts, but by the end I feel emotionally exhausted and all she wants to do is cuddle and make up as if it was an argument. In an ideal relationship, we see our partner realistically, both their strengths and their foibles, and accept them for who they are. You have to tell her when she hurts you. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. I should have seen the massive red flags. Admittedly, honesty in a relationship can be tricky because it doesnt mean saying every little critical thing to our partner that pops into our head. This is the friend that always wants to always be in your presence. Unlike the overprotective friend, however, they're not trying to keep you from feeling any painthey just think they know what's best for you. Do your friends offer bad advice or tell you to break up with your partner over the smallest of reasons? I really like this girl, but her friend might be the one thing that ruins an otherwise perfect relationship. Overly personal questions, prying inquiries about your fights and constant invasions of your privacy are common tactics of the nosey friend. We were still a new couple and while I thought it was weird, I knew that they both had just moved here and didn't have anyone but each other so I obliged and just said I'd take her out on Saturday. We usually feel vulnerable when were open about who we are, what we want, and how we really feel. She was not like this when we first met. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. Using deception and duplicity instead of honesty and integrity. It hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do. Are they really trying to help themselves? 7 Behaviors That Ruin a Relationship | Psychology Today She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! When we first fall in love, we tend to be open to new things. Some people need to just help themselves. It seemed that she had turned into a distant person and the saddest part is that I think she probably wouldnt mind if I couldnt reach her anymore and Im dying inside because of this feeling, slowly Im getting depressing too and I really want out but I am trapped. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. Good luck and remember the love bit. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, I also have depression. #7 They disrespect your partner. She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. We all have to remain positive people. You're here for her. But that doesn't excuse a reality where you do something like that. But this directness is the best way to maintain an honest and authentic way of relating that gets us what we want in life. To start, this friend really dislikes me. It might take them aback at first, but they'll be open to respecting your wishes. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. Smoking and drinking! And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. I take it this is detrimental to a persons feelings who has depression. In order to truly change our relationships for the better, its important to look closely at these harmful behaviors and compare them to the more favorable ways of relating that characterize a healthy relationship. (Not married) We dont need one person for fulfillment, but we do need shared activities. Even the people you call your closest friends can struggling to know their limits. He is also seeing a psychiatrist who has advised he doesnt work I am doing 3 jobs to pay for my divorce as he is going to go bankrupt with his business =- because he couldnt face going in to work except at lunch time. Keep scrolling for the six types of friends who'll sabotage your relationship. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or Breaking up is my last option but a considerable option because the fact that she is just not paying attention to me, everything is about her and her thoughts only. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! The parent's may like you but their objective is clear. They represent a fantasy of being close but without real relating, essentially putting form over substance. All rights All my friends said that the roommate was being selfish and I was being too nice. The given reasoning is that our disagreement was ruining their night but the girlfriend pointed out that she wanted to fix it or she would have cut off her phoneand as such since we're in the relationship the roommate needs to butt out. my health is declining. Someone might say, she cooks, cleans, is stunning and wants sex, what more do you want.. Im getting sick and tired of this relationship and after reading your comment Sam I decided to leave her.. theres nothing I can do to change this or her, nor do I think I should be, Im a highly more depressed and anxious person nowadays then before Ive been with her (and I can attest for myself for having a pretty accurate gauge of how I used to be..) A master at seducing and offending women, Tank is a professional. Dear M, If you would like to find a mental health professional for your girlfriend, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. Anyway, now we are almosr 3 yrs together and from the start of this year she finally admited being alcoholic and she started treatment process, with medications and therapy. I have a lower sex drive than hers. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. When we interrupt these patterns and actively engage in healthier ways of interacting with our partner, we feel more closeness and contentment, and we can keep the spark alive in our relationships. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. I once found out my girlfriend was talking to some other guy. Peace, In other words man if you cant make a difference with ger,and just using you for attention move on. He or she may say that your mate isn't good enough for you. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. So I fight. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. All his girl does is whine and complain about my driving, harassing me about every slight detail of my personality, and eventually leads me to cuss her out, call her a worthless bitch to her face, and get punched for it by her. Theres all kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing them. I dont know if that is the case with you too. Unfortunately, there seems to be nothing I can do when she feels down. Saying I really love you, but acting like you dont have any time to spend with your partner. Examples include: The actions that contradict these words do not look like love. Bad friends only care about their own fun. She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). Can anyone help me and tell me what can i do?. Its your natural born right to be happy! Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. The know-it-all friend is another pal who, at their core, has your best interests at heart. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. We may become more rigid and automatic in our responses. Some pals, like the jaded friend, get too involved in your relationship without even realizing what they're doing. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. Ever trade phones with a friend? Hopefully this list will equip you with the power of discernment. Tell your girlfriend about your hopes for the relationship. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. Instead, focus on new ideas for communication with your girlfriend. For example, their advice may be based on their past experiences. Friends who make you ignore your lover by constantly trying to keep you engrossed in another conversation or take you to another part of the room are never good for your budding relationship. A year later, I saw her again in another friends arm. There's nothing worse than watching one of your friends flirt with your S.O. There is more to life than this, trust me. We have to get our sh#t together or be ok with being alone and broke or God forbid settle for the girl were all here talking about. And at the current time, I feel stretched thin with everything going around me since everyone needs me there for them, along with being there for myself. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. She will text or call me out of blue and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her. They start to see themselves as we, instead of you and me. It's a mysterious package, delivered by subtle sensory clues. She didnt even try to make the effort in keeping the conversation going and Im always the one who care about her when she doesnt give a thought about me and keep immersing herself in her depressive world. Whats my motivation? Lately she has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested. it takes a lot of courag and resolve to stick around and be supportive to your partner and youve done that.kudos to that.please see that you have been strong and supportive for so long so you cannot think you will break.be confident and seek better outlets.therapy can help in a major way as I have seen.all the best. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. We do love each other, but her depression, mixed with her anxiety about our future as parents of the same child, is becoming too much for me to remain hopeful. If she wanted to cheat that is her choice. Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. Now that you know which friends to watch out for, how do you stop them from interfering? Also, the family dinner thing was not an isolated incident; this friend creates conflict all the time. I feel trapped. Than it all started to fade, she had weekly outbursts after we met, we had a lovely weekend, then, the other day, she was always very depressed or even aggressive, treating herself very badly, being jealous on my friends, depreciating herself. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). It was me rationalising my emotions. But I love her and want to help. They may try to persuade you to get back with their son or daughter. All is fair in love and war, but one of the avoidable hindrances to relationships may be the company you keep. Medication and therapy dont really work. So me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 5 months. My Girlfriend's Friend Is Ruining The Relationship | Boston.com Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. She looked so stunning, I had a hard time holding my jaws shut. Even though their intentions are pure, the overall result of their overprotective attitude is a genuine dislike of your S.O., which often isn't based in reality. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. Then I met the best friend. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. However when i asked her how shed feel if i was to hang out with other girls she said that i wasnt allowed to and that all i would do is want to have sex with them or at least have those intentions. Tomorrow my lady and I would be ten months not quite a year, but things have switched off lately. but in the end in realtionships, its about being happy. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. I love her so much, but I know Id rather deal with these issues now than a year or 2 into a relationship. #13 Friends who know too much. Kindness can play a significant role in a persons well-being. 2023 LovePanky.com Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | About Us | Write for Us | Contact Us, 9 new relationship traits to keep in mind while starting a new relationship. They spend a lot of time together, and sometimes it's hard to reach my girlfriend because they often carry each other's phones. Youve shown your love for her and she knows that. I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. Being manipulative, dominant, or submissive. This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. The nosey friend affects your relationship because they're alwaysthere,no matter how hard you try to get rid of them. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. Saying Im not interested in other people, but. We started dating a few months after the divorce and (I admit we could have been more responsible of our actions) she is now pregnant with our first child. I always stopped everything to help her, to stay hours remind her how she is incredible. It's convenient, and boys love things that are convenient . Polyamory refers to having consensual romantic or sexual relationships with multiple others. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM Im in a LDR myself too although I have never met her IRL. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. She keeps saying this like Im not a good person & I dont think Ill ever stop feeling this way I have given her reassurance, saying Im here for it through the good and bad, but fuck it seems like Im talking to a brick wall sometimes. All i see now is cold person who i love and so frustrated by the lack of intimacy. I dont know how much you have tried already, but why not try it? I love her but I just think staying will be self destructive for me and just enabling to her. I did every single thing that you guys have written here. I sensed that something wasn't right with this guy and well getting to . Many couples come to hold their partner responsible for their happiness, which leads to demands, complaints, and a sense of powerlessness. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. You just met The One or maybe a shady character. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. Let she feels that you are proud of her. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. You can either deal with the drama, or firmly tell your gf to deal with once and for all because you refuse to keep doing itand then stick to your guns. When guys get dumped, they hire Tank to take their ex-girlfriends out on the worst date of their lives an experience . You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. (All is Hell) It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. Validating others' thoughts and feelings is a foundational part of effective relationships. Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. Sounds to me like a bunch of spoiled princesses. Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. I myself am in a LDR with my girlfriend. - Conflicted. Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, an author, and the Director of Research and Education for the Glendon Association. You can never trust the advice in which they give. Do your friends know every little secret about your partner? However, when we establish a fantasy bond, we tend to become increasingly closed . The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. My Best Friends' Girlfriend is slowly ruining our friendship. Its a selfish decision either way.

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