Its so bizarre to go from being very loving and leaving cards and messages and notes about how honored he is to be my partner , to ..we never had it right and Im unhappy and Ive been unhappy for 10 years or our whole life. Six months since I left him for another man. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. My very best wishes to you all. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. I questioned her about it and she denied it. "No!". Im trying to take it one day at s time but the anxiety is tough I keep ruminating and worrying about the future.i just keep telling myself for now its hard but Ive got to keep it together for my kids, Hi Yes, God wants you to be happy, but not at the expense of the greater good that HE knows needs to happen. My ex left me the day after Christmas. I always stood by her even with her legal issues and her mental problems. You feel threatened rather than safe when you are with this person or in this environment. I told myself I was going to focus on my health, going to workout again & eat right. Remember that God doesnt give us more than we can handle-and he must think that you can handle a lot. As soon as she had her degree and job, she didnt need me anymore at least thats how Ive chosen to see it. I have someone that they work with that gives me info and all they do is talk about me and say Im a terrible mother and person.. Hi, I married my wife when i was 22 yo I have no ideas that will provide you comfort. I am an alcoholic in recovery with almost 22 yrs of sobriety. He held me back and then confessed that he was bi-sexual and had been texting with another man. I feel for everyone here because the pain is so difficult to deal with. Im a good person, loving, caring, giving and trustworthy. I feel like he blames me for our failed marriage and I know that everything hehas said were all just excuses because he was too much of a coward to admit he was leaving for someone else. Here are 14 tips for women who still love their husbands, even though they left them: Life without your husband is a blessing. Good riddance this is over. Your partner met someone else. And I cant get past feeling devastated, crying when Im alone after work until I go to bed. Apparently, like the physical pain, and the way I processed that, the emotional pain and mental obsession I suffered, was on automatic; it was a LEARNED response that had obviously been running, on perpetual pain, not unlike continuous *seizure* activity. Part of me suspects my wife is one of the mentioned types who craves new love all the time. She told me she is falling for another man. Dont fall for it ! Congrats!! This is my 2nd failed marriage. 3. They may have unmet . I am loosing my home in a few weeks because im disabled and she was the breadwinner. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. I cant understand why they arent questioning this. A year goes by with random visits whenever she felt like having a full on break which was always on the weekends when she could go out and party. Take your life back, It is yours to live!! Weve been together just over 5 years and what I thought was happily married for almost 3. Im 59 shes 49. And if you cant forgive him, it might be time for you to walk away from this relationship completely because this isnt a good place for anyone to be in. Be strong for yourself and for your kids. 32 years we have did everything together and it dont feel right being alone. It was almost like a death, but the person I was losing was still in front of me. I dont have friends that I can confide in, I dont have family to talk to. Since that day my wife has changed. We have a son who is just under 2 and was born 10 weeks early. Keep your mouth closed at all times. The first reason is practical and plausible; the latter can be a devastating blow to the heart and ego. He literally left me and took my son for almost joint custody. If you have low self-esteem, your man might lose respect for you and feel like he doesnt honor you anymore. For example, its typically easier to digest the idea that you and your partner grew apart than it is to consider the possibility that he or she fell out of love with you. My ex-husband used me for everything I had and then just left. Catching up was fun, she was comfortable to talk to, to share life experiences with and before long we both felt the electricity we had known years ago was still there and strong as ever. I found out last year my husband has contemporary narcissistic personality disorder. He is on disability because of multiple chemical sensitivity. So, dont sabotage your happiness just because your husband left you, and contact these incredible coaches to receive personalized advice about your love life. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. I left her cause she was a gold digger had 4 affairs and she was a thief . Every day I feel like Im about to die inside. It kinda helps. When she declared she was leaving to focus on her own happiness I was both frightened and relieved. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. Resentful and angry people see themselves as merely reacting to an unfair world. My husband filed a bogus Restraining Order and threw me out if my home. Ive no idea where he is or what hes doing. "You're being ridiculous.". She left and went there dad and sister tree planting mothers. I dont know if hes cheating. Then four months later he came back and I got preganant. Sleeping in the spare room shows separation and guilt. We met at school and Im not ready for what happened, she just left for our friend. It was rephrased that I abandoned the family and since I made good money now I was responsible for paying the x with her new man $2,000/mo. Cheating partners often dont even want to work on saving the relationship or marriage, increasing levels of frustration and hurt. I must think it is permanant. Is this forum legitimate? The sadness consumed me like an angry fire I couldnt put out. My now separated wife has called the police on me for suicide watch (ive never been suicidal) and also called childrens aid because I might be a physical danger to our son (the only hitting Ive ever done is on the hockey rink). I still manage to stay positive through it all, that is the most important thing you can do and the best advice I can ever give. This was a deliberate act carried out by those who are unethical and immoral. there never will be. I dont know what to think anymore. Let go of the past and move on with your life! I want to believe that it is all a nightmare and that she will wake me up any moment and forgive my past We had a good but quiet weekend. People need real information or else they divorce prematurely and they often go on to divorce again and again (more research!). So you have a spouse with mental illness, divorce is on the cards, and even though you know it's the right thing you cannot stop yourself from feeling crippled with guilt. But the truth is that hating him just isnt the best way to go. :), I am retired navy vet and I read. Hi I have been with my wife for 7 years we dated for 4 years and have been married for 3. All of a sudden we move and after 32 years of marriage, recently he left with a girl who is my youngest daughters age her late 20s. The trust we had is gone. I was forced to leave my home as there is no available help there at all and what help is available is on a wait list and is for a facility outside my territory only (and the wait list is between 6-10 months). He would never compromise nit even come home 1 time a week to have supper as a family hes a workaholic Now hes not happy because Ivehad anger issues so I went to get help since I too realizes I have to work on myself and I changed.my kids see it.however apparently I didnt change enough. I realized I needed help, again, and I have since been doing that. Sadistic. He said he dnt wanna b wid her or even me right now. Just focus on those kids and how you can better yourself for them and you. Young women make sure you know all about a man before you commit because those few less desirable traits you have some doubts about may end up becoming major aspects of his character. Take care my friend it will get better and thank God you arent 58 like me Got obsessed with animal rights became activist. Research from 2018 suggests low emotional intelligence may contribute to the likelihood someone may abandon a relationship without warning. My husband and I have been separated from each other due to deployment. Then I get her an Acadia. I went into shock.. My husband went away on a trip with a friend and came back depressed and unhappy with his life. I guess Im just going to have to accept that hes not coming back. We have split up before because he has been unfaithful and we have always got back together. Wife Abandonment - My Husband Has Suddenly Left me - Vortex Success I have being with him 5 years and we broke up once cause he didnt want kids. My Dad is strong, and my Mother is even stronger. My therapist said I may never get an answer and for my black-and-white brain is a little difficult. You are not going to die .Your wife who is supposed to love you has been seeing another man no matter what the excuse this is not acceptable. Scripture adds. Some of those things that seem like just cute little quirks can be the tip of the iceberg. But I am steadily going forward. It is really hard. It took some comments by others, even his own family to see how much I compensated and accommodated. We have an 18 month old boy as well. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. Wife of 17 years left 4mos ago. Your story is so touching. The taint of desperation lingers at my heals and I fight to be encouraging to two son who have lied to and thrown away as I have like trash. He acts like nothing is wrong, asks me to go hang with them etc. Im in Oregon. She indicates someone whos been through abuse or bullying, for example, may be hypervigilant of acts that minimally resemble betrayal. My husband left me four and a half months ago. Thats not a man.. From the very first dose, I felt the pain step down and every day afterward, it became less, until, in a short time, it was gone. Guilt that you couldn't help your spouse. Any opinions? Im so confused I thought thats why I was there everyday. I have the greatest respect for those who endure the bad times and work to resolve and remedy their challenges. I am unsure what to do. It will get better. Certain stresses have even been alleviated. I was devastated. I havent overcome anything yet. We have two children together. After months and months of lies raising our daughter alone and pregnant I have birth to our son while in labor I drove myself to the hospital after my water broke he was in and out of the room on his phone texting talking etc well that very night I had my beautiful baby he was holding him while his guy friend came to visit well his phone went off and thats when I found out with my own eyes he had been lying and was with another girl. I dont know what to do, pls I desperately need help. Knowing there was no future is what killed me. Thank you all for being so brave, you have blazed a trail for me to follow. How to cope: As hard as it is, try not to take this personally. I actually became suicidal because I was so worried about what I . There isnt anything you can do to change the past and make him stay with you. And our fights now revolve around not having sex. You will be fine. thanks for this im in this kind of situation right now.. On new years eve my fiance left thee house. Orr T. (2022). Well the doctor she was working with was giving her Vicodin, and soma, she also was getting zanax and other pills from doctor. Im totally breaking my heart, I never thought this would ever happen hes the best thing that ever happened to me. One thing we never were was abusive to each other but this morning in particular she punched me in the face out of anger. My husband of over 14 years left two weeks ago. I slowly rebuilt myself through counseling for over a year, meditation (I used the Calm app every night). Part of me want him back because I believed in him and that we could have grown to love each other. They might cry a lot more often unexpectedly. Im not sure what exactly he was looking for, perhaps just being very emotionally transparent on an every day basis? There is a Creator of the Universe who cares about you and wishes nothing but the best for your life. "It's impossible to please you.". Just a few years ago, however, I was finally diagnosed with this awful personality disorder. Sorry for your heartache. I have fantastic close friends and an even better-extended family. How to cope: Work on taking responsibility for your part, forgiving yourself for what you could have done differently, and letting go of how you think it should have been. Go out with my friends. You think I wanna sit and have thanksgiving dinner with you? I suspected for ages they were up to something but could never be 100% sure so dismissed it. to do the same. I have to live at home with my parents to get rid of all the debt I incurred through the attorney fees and EVERY bill being in my name while married. What You Need to Know When Your Partner Leaves. Last night after 2 weeks of the cold shoulder and acting distant my bf of 4 years said hes leaving me. Han cautions against falling into the trap of self-blame. Wife Abandonment - My husband suddenly left me. I know that we can get through this.I am willing for now but Maybe, not for long. How do I keep my self-esteem high when Im going through this? Before you know it the entire family is wiped out. Thanks Jersey girl. Can somebody please help????? You have described your situation and it is exactly as I feel. Hes a selfish man who was only thinking about himself and is in crisis. The problem isn't your job. Only we have a son together. I am in very similar situation. Jesus did not ever condone abusive behavior but he also didnt give you a right to judge your partner in a mental or physical illiness. Are we supposed to stay through that too? She totally cut me off and is seeing other people. He had decided that this life, our life, wasnt for him. .. Ill need it but Ill make it xo, I disagree with your statement about personality disorders. Then my wife was charged with felonies 2 for fraud and 1 for forgery.. in 2015 she switch to alcohol now she has driven me and our kids out of the house to my parents I am biblical and believe I cannot get a divorce because what the Bible says. He wants to separate all our assets already and wants all the momentos in our house. I had to call her mom today and asked her if she could grab my work shirts and she finally calls annoyed I got her mom involved and tells me to just come over after work. We slept in separate bedrooms and became room mates and certainly not what I had invisioned a marriage to be at the age of 51. And he just does not get it. This is beautifully written. He said he filed for divorce on April 14. A year and half later my wife decided to cheat on me with my next door neighbour (touching not sex and the lead in emotional affair) I never really got a good reason to why it happened and she didnt really seem sorry for her actions I struggled with this blow and the trust I had for her was shattered. He said he filed for divorce and that was a blow to my heart after he told me he was not even considering it. I didnt need someone to be whole. Hi. We didnt argue, had some physical relations which I thought meant she was bisexual. Hating him will only make it harder for you to move on with your life and put this marriage in the past where it belongs. And if its not normalized that this happens to lots of people, then they will wind up meeting and marrying someone else, and experience this same issue down the road. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I resented my husband a lot during this time. Trust and believe Carma is on its way. Any of these reasons could be applied to either partner in a relationship. That some young girl paid attention to him. I certainly wouldnt feel the need to reply with a comment if someone suggested to see a Rabbi BECAUSE IT DOESNT APPLY TO ME. All those things Ive overlooked for years are very obvious now. Too bad he is having a mid-life melt down. Sounds familiar except mine was emotional abuse, yip, happened to me too, thank g i kept postponing the wedding date or id be stuck in an abusive marriage with a traumatized kid. Had there been any changes in his behavior towards you? He doesnt seem to understand that his actions create conflict in our relationship. Except for Christs love, there is none here on earth. Write to Family Life, The Guardian . Instead of focusing on yourself, try to understand what is behind his decision. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. The ability to do what they want and when they want. Next Monday comes and she again asks me to be there every night after work to do all the work and begins to belittle me when I start to question whats going on, she would often tell me I didnt care about the children if I didnt want to be there but by now its getting hard, real hard. I liked the above article and I think some of all the factors entered into his leaving. Shes shortsided. If you feel stuck in your grief, or if holding onto hope a spouse will return is preventing you from moving forward, speaking with a mental health professional may help. It might not seem this way, but maybe he just wasnt in love with you anymore. Hi Cassie He said he no longer loved me and couldnt to it anymore. I received deployment orders to head to Africa for a rapid response unit to help combat the Ebola virus and contain it by building ETU facilities. Well, 7 months into our counseling, I found some emails between him and a women he worked with. I would have been hurt and mad, but I would not have wanted to be with someone who did not want me. Soon, I reverted back to what I was doing to prior to the attempt to get pleasure. Please. Im so sorry to read this (and other) stories. Needless to say that this same man left and is livng with someone else (who I believe is his ex). Even after this I still love/loved him, but I had no idea what to do or how to proceed. I know times have changed and lives have gotten in the way. Recently, my wife left me. And even worse, they ruin their own happiness in the process by doing things that destroy everything that makes them happy. I want move out of state or go back to my country but, i also have a little hope that in a few months she will change her mind I dont know. She told them that they were staying with me, she couldnt afford them. Look it up. By the way Don how do you meet people on line? I hope that your marriage works out and you and your husband will be happy once again together. Its been 1 1/2 years since our separation and 6 months since our divorce and I still cry every day. Seems life will continue and I appreciate the hope you have instilled through sharing the stories you have all provided. I am so sorry this happened to you. Well he landed a job for a few days baby needed 2 cans of formula and diapers He didnt bother buying them. I caught her having phone sex with a boyfriend from 40 years ago. How can I do it? Hes not acted any different or said a thing. Its awful. Take care Don. I have yet to get the call to come sign them. When I have been upset and called to to him he has been very cold and mean.telling me he hated being in a relationship with hated being a family and so on. He went to his family home and left me alone ignoring all my phone calls and messages.. last Saturday I took the decision I will go there to him. 4. I worker steady nights for 27 years. We started dating young and it was really a fairytale relationship. Signs that Your Husband Feels Disrespected (and Unloved) Only God can fix this mess. I totally know what you mean. To obtain a list of therapists or counselors in your area, please enter your ZIP code here: Please know you are not alone. But I always get the brunt of their problems I am the one that is mean and I was always the one to buy them all their desires. But if you cannot have her sort what you want with the kids and remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can so you can focus on your kids and studies. And it might be wrong but I cant just cut people out of our lives as he has done. It took me about 6 months before I tried to get help and went to therapy. But the acceptance that he is gone from life doesnt make me hurt any less Could it be me? Always remember that just because the past didn't turn . The visits start again And will try to stay her friend. I hate myself and have become a hermit. anyway thanks for listening, Thank you for your comment, Lorrie. But in the last 7months, he abruptly changed, despises me even talking or trying to work things out. The night we separated he told me . I have read this article and Im still trying to get my head around my wife wanting to leave me (married 1 year 11 months, together 7 years) for a guy she has only known for a few weeks and I cant understand why she would want this. We told her, No, we havent noticed. She simply said, Well, he does, and walked straight out of the room. You still have a chance to fix this. Thanks cassieD.I feel no more,Like i am dead.I have tried therapy.nothing is helping.i feel like there is no hope for me. I lost it! Six months that I have been paying for my choice through reduced access to my most amazing children ever. So I told her last week this crap isnt right and if she wants to be single every weekend than I cant be there at all and we will be zero contact at all. Well one month into my overseas job that was just for 18 monthsshe told me she was leaving me after the financing on the new house fell through. He wont explain this behavior and blames me, acts like he hates me and just has to get our because he cant stand me all of a sudden . I know that getting over your husband is a very difficult process to go through. Im routing for you 100%! It isnt the first and foremost thing on my mind all day all night, every day every night! Not knowing how to express their feelings safely, they may, in turn, leave as a means of avoidance. ..I believe my husband has a similar condition. I have decided my happiness is what I need. I dont even know where to start now. "I am in a no win situation.". in the last few weeks i have asked him one or twice if being with me is what he wants and he said of course and we have had some really lovely days together, the night before we split up we had not a blazing row as such but it was the way things were said that was the problem not what was actually said, he woke the next morning left for work and text me saying he thinks I should go back to my parents house, maybe the living together situation isnt working out and then began to say he thinks we shouldnt be together he doesnt know what he wants he loves me but hates the fact we keep arguing and dont seem to get along the way we use to. 15 Subtle Signs A Man Feels Stuck In An Unhappy Marriage Scharnett-King warns this rarely works out. I couldnt stop trying to get through to her and kept begging her to stop. I hope youre doing OK. Did you ever get a reason? Its been hard. We were happy, we valued each others company, we always went through any hardships together. Also how about youre the one who threw him out because after losing your whole family he tells you that he hopes you die of cancer. Our two children were grown up and no longer living at home having started their own lives which made me feel even less needed or important in my wife life. It is so heart braking, that I can feel my heart hurt.My husband makes our marriage failure my fault. Cant eat or sleep, I feel depressed. And some families have one parent. I will keep this no contact for as long as humanly possible. :). This went on until October 2015. My husband of 6 years packed his clothing and left after telling me that we do not have future together after I did not find a career job and was in a car accident. Ive been single for almost two years now and I will be for a while longer. That aside Ive been really good to her and treating her as if I just met her but that has not resonated with her. By Saturday morning I am calling nonstop everyone, her parents etc. I dont want to go on with life feeling like I do. I think thats why Im just waiting for him to call or come back, like he will realize he made a mistake. You are going through a wife abandonment situation when your husband suddenly leaves; without notice, without discussion, he's just gone. 1. The gym for me kept me from drinking. Thank you for this article your right about anything, Im so depressed right now because my husband of 4 years leaves me for the reason that he doesnt love me at all. I threw myself into my work to keep my mind occupied, and although I was present for my son Noah, I wasnt present in myself. Same happen to me when my husband left me but with the great help of great mutaba my husband came back to me. I want to move back to Florida and i just dont think its worth us fighting to save the marriage anymore. I am still here. In fact, sometimes he can seem to be downright miserable. My son is in the same school as this womans daughter and my husband has already been talking to this woman about the kids being step-siblings. Your marriage can't be strong and peaceful if your husband is acting like he doesn't care. you. What part of the country are you in? We have some communication issues to work on (as well as emotional maturity on my partner's side), but otherwise it's functional and I'm mostly happy . I just dont get it.. Why the games? I do not believe that you can just fall out of love one day as if it is completely unrelated to how each of the partners interacts with one another. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. He said no, that for the first time in years he finally had a best friend. No they will not. He said he would always love me but that I just wasnt able to forget the past. Ive been there and now Im free from his affairs. Living is not living unless you are truly living, being respected and happy. Hello, I am a 35 year old woman and my wife and I split just two days ago. Best wishes! I feel very sad this happened to you but if she is leaving so quick without giving you a fair chance she may just be a self-centered person. This is often the most painful reason for a leaving, but it's also sometimes the easiest to accept. And still couldnt find a way to be happy. Until recently she was a loving stepmother to them. God bless you. Every few weeks. So, i had to ask my family for money. I dont get it for you either. This is unacceptable behavior from your husband. They leave behind their friends, the jobs that they love, and the happy memories from years gone by. Please contact us if you have any questions. Please help I feel like Im drowning and dont know how to protect my kids from the pain they will feel, I feel horrible for you, this is going to be a very hard time but youre going to have to focus on the kids. Ive been with my wife over 12 years married over 2. Now my husband wants me back. So he had plenty of time to do what he wanted to do. So I tried suicide at 23 and from that failure I ended up getting professional help for the first time to gain understanding of why I was the way I was. Or he /she is crazy!!! me and he had promised he would love me forever. The hardest thing for me is to sleep alone. We made specific vows centered around this. He left while i was at work after his deeds of emotionally cheating online w countless womam n hitting on women by neighbourhood saying he is single.

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